a self-esteem punk

deathboy @ 2009-07-04T09:59:00

2009-07-04T08:59:23Z

Before anyone goes worrying, this is not for me, but it is very serious:

Does anyone out there know of a good (hell, great) defence lawyer?

I don't have that sort of connection / knowledge, but a good friend is in a tough place at the moment. Any advice would be very gratefully received.

Thanks, interwebs.

No, it's not Cat, nor has anyone flown to Dubai!

listening to "Plastic Dreams - Jaydee" on Blip

2009-07-04T00:05:33Z

Hypnotic house, the sort of track I like to send me off to sleep. I first dropped this in a mix 15 years ago O_o ...

Different Together (demo)

2009-07-03T01:52:20Z

unfinished track, of something that should potentially be called "indie tech", and in which I was SHITFACED.

I sing like I'm retarded because I was about a litre of vodka later than the rest of the party...

I can still manage to program all the fucking breakbeats and manipulate and produce the basslines, I just sound I'm fucking educationally subnormal.

So glamorous.

DeathBoy - Let's All Be Different Together

DeathBoy - Different Together (demo) by deathboy

Signing on your time
Turning on your dime
there is no defence
we're open to the stars

running on realtime
short on ammunition
this war of attrition
you're respected for your scars

you think that you're resilient like me
adaptive just like everybody
I'd rather own cut my own fucking throat
than bare my soul on your day time fucking vee

Let's all be different together
Pull on our PVC and our leather
Spike up your hair and paint your nails black to show
That we failed to get our lives together

Let's all be strange and interesting
I've got this kink, you know, well, it's my thing
It means I never ever have to think
Throw my hands in the air and I sing and I sing...

Field Recordings

2009-07-03T00:36:33Z

Rohypnology-chorus-take by deathboy

A brief take from the chorus of Rohypnology, the finished demo of which can be found here: [DeathBoy: Rohypnology]

DeathBoy - Rohypnology by deathboy

Field Recordings

2009-07-03T00:16:39Z

Talking to Corben in my bedroom...

He totally understood that a mic is to be talked into, he just can't talk very much, and certainly didn't know what words he was meant to use for a sound-check.

This recording isn't super-loud, but because it's a relatively unadulterated recording from a field mic, it varies between quite quiet and QUIET LOUD (like, when Corben gets up close to the mic and talks), so please don't shoot out your ear-drums by turning up the volume to hear things.

This is the mic set to the lowest sensitivity, for near-field recording, and is stereo, but as I was mostly facing Corben, there's not much stereo imaging.

You can hear me quieter and deadened because I'm behind (holding) the mic :)

Corben field recording 2009 06 by deathboy

Field Recorder

2009-07-03T00:01:48Z

I've been reviewing a few recordings from my Zoom H4 ~~taser~~ field recorder...

Me, Anton and Kirsten, talking in the kitchen.

or... "Kinetic Goat Rape"

THIS IS A UNIX SYSTEM I KNOW THIS

2009-07-01T17:45:59Z

I am going to watch:

Hackers
Jurassic Park
Johnny Mnemonic
Sneakers
Wargames
Lawnmower Man

My theme is "Films featuring awful depictions of cyberspace"

I need more films.

I'm not sure about Tron, as it's pretty fucking awesome.

last night a DJ shaved my wife

2009-07-01T16:28:05Z

It is just possible that I have bought a Tonium Pacemaker.

Moo. Hah. Hah. Haaaaaaaaa.

If all goes well, I might be cruising for DJ slots in a few months.

deathboy @ 2009-07-01T09:41:00

2009-07-01T08:41:50Z

[via Awkward Family Photos / awkwardfampix]

A little bit of promo

2009-06-30T23:07:37Z

Two tracks from the current album in progress that I'm fucking proud of:

Safety in Numbness:

(direct download)

You. Take a step away.
So perfect, and you only tell the truth.
When you need an example
Of what happens when you lie
Point your finger
And say that I'm the proof

Sanctimony
always came easy to you
Well, I'm too far along now
so tell me
What should I do?

and tell me:
is there safety in numbness?
do you find
you can hide
inside your ignorance?

safety in numbness
It doesn't feel right
My thoughts collide
with your disfigurement

Safety in numbness
numbness
numbness
numbness

Your reputation beyond question
While mine lies battered and bruised
You minister to your congretation
I hang my head and look at my shoes

Sophistry
always came so easy to you
but when the answer doesn't fit
the question
what do I do?

tell me:
is there safety in numbness?
do you find
that you can hide
behind your innocence?

safety in numbness
Pacified
I cannot abide
This servile obedience

Safety in numbness
numbness
numbness
numbness

They hang off all of your opinions
Taking warmth from the flames behind your eyes
And if there's doubt among your minions
I'll take a bullet
I'll be your sacrifice

I don't believe
that it's been so easy for you
And the next time you judge me
or push me
I'm turning on you

Don't tell me that there's
SAFETY IN NUMBNESS
YOU'RE DEAD INSIDE
AND ALL YOUR PRIDE
HAS LEAD TO IMPOTENCE

MASK YOUR DISCOMFORT
CONVENIENT LIES
AT LEAST I'M MINE
DON'T NEED YOUR DELIVERANCE

HOW COULD YOU BECOME THIS?
CRUCIFIED
ALL WE HELD HIGH
HAS LOST ITS SIGNIFICANCE

SAFETY IN NUMBNESS
I'D SOONER DIE
EYES OPEN WIDE
I DON'T ASK YOUR FORGIVENESS

No safety in numbness
numbness
numbness
numbness

(I've been told it makes me sound like Zeromancer)

and

Buddhabox:

(direct download)

let's cross another line
fulfill another promise
try to fill myself with wine
hope I wake up at the office

I don't think I work here
don't recognise your face
feeling quite disorientated
wait, I know this place

can i wander into your life?
you can talk a walk in mine
can i wake up in the desert?
thirteen years, a lot of time

my science fiction soundtrack
leaves a lot to be desired
all the diodes down my left side
need to be rewired

If I'm making too much sense
you can whisper in my ear
introspective providence
a consequence of fear

I'm a side-effect of
genuflecting perspicacity
Are you my reward or reprimand
it's getting hard to see

----------------------

(you know we're living in a sci-fi movie
Rutger Hauer's gonna walk right through next tuesday)

[young boys fall in love with their dreams
you're not a toy, but you're not what you seem]

{and who do you think you are? you. you. }

----------------------

lose my flow to this nostalgia
I'm sounding insincere
they say "we're so relieved we found you"
but I'm not really here

you're like emotional methadone
feels like I lack the chromosome
a synthetic alternative
to being on my own

-----------------------

when I define myself I find myself
somehow lacking
keep my displacement in the basement
till I'm unpacking

burst open packages of memories
and conversations
my black dog's become a product
of domestication

but this is not the thing I am
and this is not what I will be
the thing you're pissing in the wind
is your potential to be free

so fixated on the car crash
try to tear your gaze away
I don't need to be this man
deathboy's just a sobriquet

Click the box, give 'em a listen, it's not all beeps and shouting ;)

If you like 'em, right-click-save the 'direct download' link for the mp3.

(oh, and click the heart icon, as I think it gives us votes of some kind. probably payable in badger anuses).

Drink Me

2009-06-30T20:08:30Z

"Drink Me 2" by Nicolas Caesar

I has bought an art :D

... I've been meaning to for ages and thought this one was particularly apt for me...

This is from the excellent Nicolas Caesar at scary-art.com (nicolascaesar)

The actual piece is as rectangular as you'd expect canvas on a frame to be, I'm afraid that photo suffers from my inability to shoot straight. As it were.

Go there! Buy his things! (particularly at UK / US exchange rates!)

Now, when told that I patronise, I can say that yes, yes I do indeed...

deathboy @ 2009-06-29T15:31:00

2009-06-29T14:31:30Z

Dear Nokia,

When running low on battery, my beloved N95 complains way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way too fucking much.

I could have just said "way too much", but I wanted to express the same level of "FOR FUCK'S SAKE, I GET THE FUCKING MESSAGE, YOU SHITBAG, SHUT UP, JUST FUCKING SHUT THE FUCK UP" as the N95 inspires in me in the time between it starting its cycle of emotional blackmail and when I eventually acquiesce and dig out the charger.

No love,

Me.

deathboy @ 2009-06-29T12:03:00

2009-06-29T11:03:43Z

Congratulations to phuturatica and westyburger for passing their courses :D

Now get jobs and stop partying and get offa my lawn, you youngsters :P

deathboy @ 2009-06-29T00:57:00

2009-06-28T23:57:19Z

deathboy @ 2009-06-28T23:39:00

2009-06-28T22:39:41Z

Just got back in from a thoroughly pleasant sunday of drinking Brick Lane dry with ed_dirt!

Christ's fucking trousers, that man outguns my story-telling 10:1 :)

Good to see you, man! hope you got home safe!

I was feeling like refried shit on the tube home, but as soon as I got in, I've perked right back up again!

Just in time for bed, annoyingly...

"A weekend wasted" and all they say... :D

deathboy @ 2009-06-28T00:14:00

2009-06-27T23:14:21Z

Today, I have achieved basically nothing, other than chatting and reading rubbish on the global network of computers that I'm now calling the Jacksonweb.

Corben's sleeping over this evening, though, so his mom can get an evening off. I love having the tiny beast over to stay... though I hope he lets me sleep, I'm bloody shattered.

deathboy @ 2009-06-27T14:44:00

2009-06-27T13:44:55Z

I seem to be unable to get into yahoo from Pidgin, these days, but meebo & their own client works.

Pidgin must do some things a bit weirdly, it doesn't log in to anything but gmail when I use my mobile connection, either (but other clients do).

This is gash. I really like Pidgin.

~~Any braniacs out there know what might be wrong? (I don't want to change client, I want to fix it)~~

Hmph, updating Pidgin got me a new error message saying I should log in to the yahoo website. Did this, reconnected, worked.

What a pain in the arse.

deathboy @ 2009-06-27T13:21:00

2009-06-27T12:21:17Z

Is it just me, or is there a tangible sense of relief that now Michael Jackson is dead, we can all stop being embarassed by what he became, and return more easily to remembering him in his hey-day?

Mr Producer

2009-06-26T20:29:59Z

Am working on producing Alterred's latest album and just like the work on Xykogen's Terminology [free fucking album here], am yet again sitting here, grinning like a loon that I have the chance to work with people whose music I fucking love to bits.

While they very much have their own aesthetic, Mikey often seems to be channelling a lot of the things I adored about Jesus Jones, who were a seminal influence for me. Weirdly, I find myself gleefully waiting to listen to how the album turns out (despite, you know, doing it).

It's a pleasure to work with these bastards and their musical outpourings.

deathboy @ 2009-06-26T14:15:00

2009-06-26T13:15:09Z

Woke up this morning and thought my PC had died - it didn't wake up from mouse and keyboard, and the fan was visibly stopped.

Turns out I turned it off last night.

I don't usually...

Check your PC fans are in decent shape, kids! I've lost a few CPUs to hot summers...

RIP MJ

2009-06-25T21:47:58Z

Fuck me.

Michael Jackson just died.

Can I get a sad and respectful "Hee-hee"?

:/

[edit]: I confess that, as I caught it early on, when the bigger sources weren't confirming it yet, then it got uncertain and people were saying he was just in a coma, by the time the BBC said he died, I was laughing & cheering on the phone with my mate because I wouldn't look like a twat for getting it wrong...

deathboy @ 2009-06-25T19:43:00

2009-06-25T18:43:52Z

Dear Lazyweb,

Where's a good place to buy a suit in London?

(Correct, I have not yet bought my suit.)

deathboy @ 2009-06-25T12:46:00

2009-06-25T11:46:49Z

Fucking chap-hop (!)

Speaking of which, who's going to the Chap Olympics?

I'm going to need me a tweed suit.

And then there were...

2009-06-24T20:55:32Z

8.

... 3 family, 5 friends coming to my wedding from my side.

I know it's a plane flight away, but that's pretty depressing.

deathboy @ 2009-06-24T21:25:00

2009-06-24T20:25:46Z

I have a code for a free Graze box and second 1/2 price (UK only) if anyone wants it...

---> 75QGQ67 <---

<img src="http://www.graze.com/images/graze/en/help/what/box.gif?m=1245840098>" ... Graze do boxes of fruit / nuts / seeds / spicy things / etc, they post them to you flatpacked on a weekly basis (if you want, you set up the schedule, you can just have one if you remember to turn the automation off). There isn't a limit on how many people can use that, and I get a quid off my next box if you do, so tuck in, fuckers :)