Log in

No account? Create an account
a self-esteem punk [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

band | The Sound of DeathBoy
buy CDs | Line Out Records
free Mp3s | the Back Catalogue
radio | last.fm

Butts. [Feb. 11th, 2017|06:56 pm]

for the wonderful _yungfuktoi_
Link6 comments|Leave a comment

in memory [Jan. 23rd, 2017|10:48 am]
[Location |London]
[Mood |sadsad]

Once upon a time, some years ago, I knew a girl called breath_seeker.

I hadn't talked to her in many, many years and came looking for her today. My heart leapt when I googled the right things and found her again.

Then it crashed into the floor when I saw her LJ has been memorialised.

She was a recipient of a lung transplant, though when I knew her, she had been functioning happily with her new lungs for 3 years or more.

I guess something must have gone wrong.

I wish I hadn't found her trail again, only to discover it's disappeared.

Miss you, lady. I will remember you and the chats we once had.

Link3 comments|Leave a comment

Johnny Mnemonic [Oct. 3rd, 2016|10:46 pm]
[Tags|, , ]
[Location |Babylon]
[Mood |glum]
[Music |Higher than the Sun (a dub symphony in two parts)]

There's a short story in Burning Chrome, a collection of William Gibson's short stories (named after one of them).

It's probably better known than a lot of his other stories because it was turned into a relatively awful mid-90s movie, with Keanu lurching into his first beautifully wooden portrayal of a partially aspergic leet future hax0r. The movie's got an almost (but not) Tank Girl level os mid-90s-awful-charm.

In fact, and hilariously, they both feature Ice T in small roles. I'd forgotten for a while that it also features Dolph Lundgren AND Henry fucking Rollins (being, wonderfully, HENRY FUCKING ROLLINS - you know, like when you get a Dennis Leary cameo in which he's just DENNIS FUCKING LEARY for 30 seconds in the middle of Demolition Man).

Anyway. The film... not so good.

The short story, though, I loved that fucking thing.
Read more...Collapse )

Right, I'm off to play videogames for a bit and listen to some righteous dub.

Be good, motherfuckers. Stay clear of the black ice.
Link4 comments|Leave a comment

utterly mucking things up [Sep. 21st, 2015|12:52 am]
[Mood |bipolar]


yep, well, here I am again with a massive ball of shite I did wrong/has messed my head up/LA LA LA.

Read more...Collapse )
Link12 comments|Leave a comment

disappointed [Aug. 6th, 2015|12:31 pm]
Scuse the stream of glumness here. As you might have guessed, I've popped back for a bit because I have some things to say that I don't want to air on Facebook, which contains far too many people that will get the arse with me / think less of me, etc.

I know you reprobates already know what I'm like and feel happier talking freely here.

I am, however, going to try to pull my head out of my arse! No point being gloomy all the time.

Come on, then... After three, a big, rousing cheer of "CHEER UP, GOTH!"

Link7 comments|Leave a comment

(no subject) [Aug. 6th, 2015|09:51 am]
Yo, fuckers!

Writing this on the train... such a strange experience to post to lj from a phone again. Reminds me of 2003!

I am in a better mood this morning. Plus, this evening, i get to see my son and tomorrow I travel to visit my awesome mates in Devon :D

Just have to get through a day of work, then all shall be smiles :)

Could do with another 48 hours of sleep, mind you...

OK! Time to rock and roll...
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

fuck it. [Aug. 5th, 2015|09:01 pm]
You know what?

Bollarks to this for a game of soldiers.

I'm not going to mope, I'm going to have a nice bath with some cracking scifi to watch, then I'm going to watch some particularly innovative pictures of men and ladies taking their clothes off, then I'm going to read some fucking comics and have a decent night's sleep.

To fuck with caring what people think.

And I'm going to eat a fucking cake 'n all.

I am a perfectly normal human worm baby and youz can all get fucked.
Link2 comments|Leave a comment

Further oscillations [Aug. 5th, 2015|08:46 pm]
[Location |London]
[Mood |grim]

Had a really good day, today, quite unexpectedly.

Work went really well and we scored some huge and much-deserved wins.

Then, out of nowhere, a well-loved friend I said ello to lashes out and makes me feel like I'm an ugly teenager in the fucking club, surrounded by the cool, attractive types who're all laughing in my face because I don't belong and it's funny that I once dared to cop off with somebody.

Now I feel useless and fucking pointless again.

So that's awesome.

Additionally, somebody I like (not a goth - amazing, eh?) and had got very close to has, for no fucking reason, just decided to go off me, like I'm yesterday's fucking salad. I don't even know what I've done. Literally think they just saw enough of me to go 'yeah, done that now, bored. next.'

Piss to this for a game of chips.

I'm going to go and have a bath and do a fucking cry in the dark, I reckon.
Link9 comments|Leave a comment

Goths / Rave music [Jul. 19th, 2015|02:42 pm]
[Location |London]
[Mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[Music |Mentasm]

Have realised while in conversation with a friend that rave music was, essentially, a pesticide developed to exterminate those goths that survived the end of the 80s.

Unfortunately, it had the effect of creating a superstrain of nearly unkillable gothics who were immune to most dance music.

Now, only the most gratuitous and toxic forms of dubstep may be used to correctly exterminate unwanted goths shambling around your dancefloor, and there are stories of a new strain that can even survive the most poisonous basslines.

Similarly, the Steampunk breeding program has been only partially successful in creating a form of watered-down goth which is marginally more jovial and can form actual sentences, but they too have defeated their original purpose by developing the ability to camouflage themselves against rust and kill even the most hardy DJ with long, tedious stories about their favourite shade of brown.

I don't even want to go into the Cybergoth debacle. Essentially, somebody stuck a strobe up a goth and couldn't get it back out. They do at least seem to be slowly disappearing up their own complete lack of relevance, but MAN they lasted longer than we thought.

You can actually get rid of Steampunks and Cybers by breeding them together, but guess what you get?


It's the ciiiiircle of liiiiife.

Link4 comments|Leave a comment

ground swallow me! [Feb. 2nd, 2015|07:27 pm]
[Mood |cringing]

Oh yeah.

Wouldn't post this anywhere else, but hey, you guys know me, right? :P

MORTIFYING moment today.

I'm on a Very Low Calorie Diet thing where I eat packet-food two days out of five. It's really working and I'm happy about it.

It has, however, made me gassy.

Today, I jumped out of the way of a colleague to allow them to pass and... broke wind briefly.

-- but quite, quite unignorably, in earshot of her and another colleague.

He laughed and said (fairly) "Oh dude. There's no escaping that, is there?"

My jaw dropped and I simply said "Oh god. Well. So. THAT happened."

My other colleague's eyes popped and she just left without a word.

I wanted the fucking ground to open up beneath me.

Of all the things I would do to shock or surprise anybody, I find that sort of thing amazingly uncouth (oh god, at WORK of all places? jesus wept)

Honestly, I think of all the things that happened today (of which many were challenging and negative), that was the one that I couldn't actually cope with and will replay through my mind forever on loop, making it so I don't want to even speak to the people I love and work with every day.

So, so, so embarassing.

Ugh. *shudder*.

They didn't take the piss or mention it when I had to speak to them later and I'm just going to pretend it never ever happened.

So embarrassed. I can't even.

So, if you had any bad things happen today, well, you didn't break wind in front of your workmates. I assume.

Man. Life never stops giving you a new thing to make you feel horrible in your own skin.

37 and I can still find new things to horrify myself. Unbelievable.
Link5 comments|Leave a comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]