DeathBoy (deathboy) wrote,

embrace the darkness

Goth - a really bad film (YouTube trailer here, found by _leet_)

Somewhat appropriately, snarfy and samoth made us watch this on sunday morning. It is, without doubt, the single worst film of any genre, anywhere ever. Ever.

No, really.

The main character's name is Goth. Do you see what they did there? She is a goth, and her name is Goth. She also appears to have it tattooed into her chest, I think, and she definitely cuts it into someone else's chest later on.

She explains early on, and it's important that you pay attention at this point:

"The way I see it, there are three rules to being a goth:

Rule one: Embrace the darkness.
Rule two: Kill your fear.
Rule three: Live for death!

That they are delivered in all seriousness and the eyebrow-arching is non-ironic sets the tone for the rest of the movie.

Pretty much the entire film is based around her acting (I use the word loosely!) psychotic and either threatening to kill someone with a dodgy twisty-looking knife, shagging someone at twisty-looking-knife-point, making other people shag via threats involving a twisty-knife, or getting bored and just killing them. With the knife. Which is twisty.

There appear to be three props in the film, a fireguard (also used to smack 'Goth' in the head, weirdly shows up in two different houses), the twisty-knife and a bottle of booze that Goth is usually necking. Admittedly, it does bear a passing resemblance to some Whitby-goth-weekends, just with more knives and fireguards.

At least half of the film is shot in the back of a van, strewn with fairy-lights, which at no point appears to have a driver. This isn't really the worst-believable part though... MAHOOSIVE blokes with guns are regularly beaten to death by Goth, characters stand there, not daring fight back while their friends and loved ones are slaughtered and the music sounds rather like somebody doing the hoovering upstairs.

Mind-bogglingly low-budget and they did a bad job with what they had. I've seen sixth-form plays with better acting. Unintentionally hilarious. It will haunt my dreams. If you want something to keep you laughing for an hour and a half, or a terrible birthday present for a friend, seek it out.
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